Little Things

Plenty of girls have memories of their first broken heart. My story is a little bit different. This time two years ago, I had the best friend anyone could ever ask for. It was like we lived in our own little world, bouncing back from his house to mine, through the bike riding years, to the awkward middle school years, to the first day of high school. We floated together him and I, we just fit, and everyone knew it. The day he came out to me was the absolute worst and best day of my entire life. It eliminated the idea of us ever being anything more than friends, but that very precious delicate moment of time, where I alone was attune to his top secret world, insured we'd be best friends forever. No matter what, we promised. People only saw our sunny happy days and assumed that was the extent of it. They never realized it was the dark gloomy nights we spent talking for hours that built the basis of our relationship. Listening to him ask the question, why did God make me like this? over and over again, never really knowing the answer. It was those nights that showed me what it really feels like to love another person. Not the romantic kind of love, the kind of love where you truly care so much that you feel their pain, the kind that you would do anything for.
My first boyfriend was the first time he ever had to compete for my attention. And my first break up was the first time I realized how much I truly valued our friendship, and the three hundred short feet that separate my house from his. Not just because I needed my best friend to wallow with, but because it was then I realized he was the only one that wasn't going anywhere. He would always be right there across the street. We would always be on non-awkward terms. He would always mean the world to me and vice versa. What a feeling.
Like I said, my first broken heart story is a little different than most. Most girls have their hearts broken by straight guys from romantic relationships, for one. And most of them look back and laugh about it. Probably the biggest thing for me though, is that my heart never stopped breaking the day he walked out of my life. I lost a whole chunk of myself that day. Have you ever really missed a time or a place, not just because it was great and wonderful, but because you loved yourself there? When he was in my life, I felt unstoppable.
There are still times I involuntarily have the urge to run over and pound on his door. Like when my boyfriend breaks up with me and I need a good wallow, or the night of the first date after that, that was so awful a good laugh is in order. There are still times I need him. Not all the time, no- just on occasion. I know I will never have a best friend the way he was my best friend. No one has yet to come close, and I'm not expecting it. I just wished I had appreciated it a little more, ya know it's those little things, that don't cost a thing. But without them you're nothing. My neighbor was a huge chunk of those little things all put together to create something magnificent. And just like that, it was gone.