Where I want to be

It's pretty cool finishing first, I won't lie. People cheering, adrenaline rushing, seeing that finish line, perfectly clear and unobstructed, quiet and untouched and waiting, knowing every ounce of hard work was worth it. I mean, I've only experienced it a couple times but from what I can remember it's pretty great. But what I've learned, especially since I got to college is that there's more to life than who gets there first. Before I began here, sports were everything. I was a product of good coaching and good technique and good training habits. What I couldn't do in school I made up for on the volleyball court. It was the only place I could love myself and cherish what made me the person I was. Needless to say, this past year and a half here I've grown a ton. There's a whole lot more to me than what meets the eye. People that know me see me as a decent student and an athlete. And then there are others that are starting to finally see who I really am. Which is a little scary, considering I'm only really just discovering this myself. Overall I like school and learning, track too. But there's one part of my life where I can really be myself. I don't know if you've ever felt this, but it's an incredible feeling. It surpasses getting an A back on a paper or even earning a gold metal. When I'm in this place I feel like I'm gleaming and I know without a doubt there is nothing else I'd rather do more for the rest of my life. Even if that means wasting a large chunk of my academic time, even if it means crossing the finish line dead last with a girl that tried her absolute hardest. I know this is where I want to be.

Don't get me wrong here- despite my infamous looking on the bright side posts, life sucks sometimes. It just sucks. It's confusing and it's hard and overwhelming and frustrating, sometimes all at the same time. There are things we just can't change, there are mistakes we just can't take back, and hurdles, big tall jagged hurdles on every page and around every corner. We live for the moments where we can just forget about everything, the deadlines and the heartache. We take shots and put make up on so that just for a little while we can be something other than ourselves. So that we can live in a world where the confusion and frustration and regrets and due dates don't matter. Where we don't have to plan ahead. Where we can say, whatever happens, happens because it's Saturday and because for just tonight the future doesn't matter. We can be whatever we want to be. I'll come back to this later.