The happy feeling nothing in the world can buy

The long table sat each of us comfortably. The grace was quietly delivered by the youngest then the feast began. The fire crackled dispersing a warm inviting feeling around the house, while the carols buzzed in the background. Chatter and cookie trays were exchanged across the long table as memories from past christmass lingered in the air. Then there was that one moment, that certain part of the song when all the voices joined at once; that moment that truely was the happy feeling nothing in the world could buy. There was nothing else like it. Nothing could have ruined it. This christmas, I would do anything in the world to get one of those moments back.
The house reaks of pain. It hits you at the door then continues further into the house. Then there she lies. Face up on her deathbed. And any bit of christmas cheer we had before entering the house is sucked out and killed.

The Fight

We just stay strong.
In the depths of weakness, through the loss of control and misplaced strength, tired and distressed. We just stay strong. We find that reason, that light to carry on.. And we fight.
Those days we just "give up on" When the ground seems just too hard. And the hurt buzzes throughout our bodies stinging every last bit of hope.
"It will be okay," they dwell. The comfort words meshed with blubbering tears.
We pray that time will just pass us by instead of pleaing God for weapons to fight. The light shines through the constant defeat until the strength becomes victorious.

"It will all be okay," spoken like a champion.

In these words I trust.

3 Months <3

With The Touch of a Kiss

The flowers melt
to chill the air.
Patiently waiting,
anticipating
for the love to dry up
into a million burning colors
against the seamless sky.
And the silent blazing world
glows and glows.

With the wind’s whispers
the ashes begin to sail
upon the rolling waves
down to rest on the autumn
paved ground.

Atop a stare,
the cold intertwining vines
puncture the crisp sky
releasing the first thousand stars;
in her hair and on his lips.
The world freezes into black and white,
silent and still,
blanketed in love
with the touch of a kiss.

That Moment

Sometimes its not about the books. Or the stats. Or the records.
Sometimes its not about your ability. Or talent.
The other team's record. Or the score board.
But that moment.
That one moment-
when you forget about the skills,
the techniques,
everything you've ever learned,
and you play sheerly with your heart.
And just for that moment,
it's not about how good you are,
were,
or will be.
It's about how bad you want it.

Here's to Summer

This summer
I have changed.
Emotionally, I have reached two opposing extremities resulting from experiences of two pretty big Firsts ( =] ). I learned for the first time, in the beginning of this summer what a broken heart feels like. During this time I also learned to realize the people in my life who truely care. When it was all said and done, while looking back I recongnized the one person that was there through everything, that one person that meant more to me then I had ever realized. This person brought about my second First. Because for the first time I am truely happy. Not trying to be someone I'm not, not trying to please him, I'm happy being me. And I owe that all to him. So here's to the summer of tears to smiles, turn arounds and happily ever afters. Thank you.

-Jane

A long overdo post about a special person

Written Friday, December 26th 2008

im thankful for you. for being there for me. for understanding me. but more then anything, for teaching me.
that no one has to be alone.
thank you for letting me unload my secrets on you. thank you for not judging me. thank you for allowing me to see that nothing in life is picture perfect and things happen when they happen.
thank you for being there.

-jane

Someday

me and kevins song (a working title)

We would always say
maybe
If the stars were align.
If we let our hearts fly
And left the past behind.

IF the skies no longer changed to grey
And If everything was going our way
If we could get it right somehow
and let the worries go astray
We could drop right now and live in
Someday

The hope would pour like rain
on our newly shattered hearts
And we'd say:
goodbyes are merely roots
for the branches of new starts
Cause when everything is lost
the strength of two is gained
Questions unanswered
Resolved in Someday

We live and breathe on lost dreams
The last line to the song
We let our love go wrong We hope and pray
for Someday
But what we live and learn to find
Is that finding Someday is nothing but
leaving yesterday behind

IF the skies no longer changed to grey
And If everything was going our way
If we could get it right somehow
and let the worries go astray
We could drop right now and live in
Someday

Looking for what was meant to be
Somehow its always been meant to be
The battles defeated add up to a victory
There standing is you and me
And we'll go on with our new paths
to be defeated again
But maybe if we're lucky
We'll find one another along the way
Singing and dancing to the melody of Someday

So for the past week I really have been examining my life closely, what it was and what it is now. It seems like everytime I turn around there's something there to remind me and make me feel hurt.
I came across an interesting bumpersticker yesterday. It said... Love doesn't leave, people do. And for some reason, in some strange way it made perfect sence inside my mind. There had to have been a reason he ripped his love away from me. There had to have been a reason he ruined the plan and tore up my trust.
I hate being confused and having to wonder why it happened and what went wrong and if he still remembers all the stuff that I remember and mostly how the one person that has cared for me so unconditionally for so long could just abrubtly.. stop.
I just want the pain to go away. I want it all to be okay again.

poetry timeee!

This is based off the theme of a couple posts back. Im not usually very sinical but here goes:

If it Survives

I have a cardboard box now
to replace
what used to be my everything.
It's a pretty sturdy box
with its
"I miss you" 's
and "I love you" 's
And it survived the flight
across my bedroom
And it survived the crash landing
taking some dried up paint chips
down with it.

I sure do hope it survives down there.

The scent lives in that box
And the firsts
and the lasts
and the nevers.
The would be's
and the could be's
and the should be's
They all coexist quite harmoniously
within the threads of memory.

The heartbeat of the stuffed
"Be Mine" bear
face down on the cardboard
vibrates throughout my room
now beginning to sync up to the fabric.

And the last of the movie credits
suddenly disapear
from the screan,

And the sweet song stops
And the stars die
And you took your heart back.

So I'm left with mine.

But I dont mind.
It's a pretty sturdy heart,
and it survived the flight
across my bedroom,
the "I'm sorry" 's
and the "I don't love you"
And it survived the crash landing,
taking all hope down with it.
Withered, broken.

I sure do hope is survives down there.

I hold on to the night
you looked me in the eye
and told me you loved me.

Everything will be Fine

Details in the Fabric
by Jason Mraz


Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything
Everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
Go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way.

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine? (Go your own way)
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own)
Hell no reason go on and scream (Know your name)
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

This is the part

This is the part you're expected to be strong.
This is when you're tested.
This is when you are forced to face it.. and move on.
They say things happen for a reason-
that the people who remain in your life no matter what are the only important ones. Life goes on and people change. I guess what I've learned is that sometimes when it hurts, you have to fight to make it feel okay again. You have to fight to gain strength. I've learned that being sad is inevitable but never is it stronger then your heart. And mostly, that it can't rain forver (literally).
I guess this is the part you start to think. Lay in bed and count up all the objects that once meant everything. One by one place them in the dusty cardboard box, and throw it in the back of the closet. Slide the screachy metal hanger grasping the delicate prom dress to the very back of the pole.
I guess this is the part you accumulate the amount of hours spent watching the sky out in that field completely secluded from the world. Relive every first and last. And forget about the long list of movie titles planned for movie nights to come.
I guess this is the part everyone talks about.
This is the part that hurts the most.

poetry timeee!

so we're learning about poetry in L.A. and i got bored in class one day of paying attention to all the rules and shit so i tried one of my own.
this is unstressed, stressed pattern and it has 8 syllables per line (except the 2nd to last one), tetrameter? idk what evs.

A Loss of Light

The stars will lose their light sometimes
the melody forgets their lines.
Notihing good will remain the same,
the glow of love will surely fade.
The sky trasnforms to sickly grey
the happiness has gone astray.
I guess we lose our way somtimes.
The pain and sadness intertwine.
The stars surrender in defeat,
a lightless night, bitter sweet.
Forget the past to look ahead,
guided by a thin silver thread.
But,
The hearts are only truley align
through the hourglass of passed time.

Promise

We can sit out on the driveway for hours on end sucking our Fla-Vor-Ice pouches and remain completely entertained. We gain the upmost satisfation out of the simplest things like slapping eachothers' hands on the desk or walking through bushes on the way home. We have created a new holiday: "Best Friend Day" and celebrate it about once a month, and we now consider one another "The Other Half."
Me and my best friend can get a good laugh out of just about anything in any situation. We go together like puzzle peices unfailing in our efforts to fit together pefectly and stay together for life.
As many people know:
we are neighbors
we can be hilarious
crazy
sarcastic
and sometimes even a bit out of control.
But the truth of our relationship lies in what others fail to see everyday. Our friendship is a promise.
A promise that no matter what happens, no matter who walks in or who walks out, no matter how many times we screw up or fall down... we have one another. always.
I know, and I know he knows that this promise will follow us throughout the rest of our lives.
I know he will be by my side walking out of high school for the last time. I know I'll be able to look over at him (for a last minute approval) before I say, I Do. I know I will be Auntie Laura to his adopted son Marshall. And I know when I'm old and senile and drooling in a cup, he'll be the guy with the big glasses and fake teeth in the wheel chair whose room is just across the way. He will always be there for me, and I will always be there for him...
promise. <3

poetry timeee! Out of left field

Write to Left to Write the Wrong

Write a song
to
write the wrong
rhyme every time
which is merely a pleasurable
trip of the mind.
A seemingly devilish pair,
out of no where-
stimulated by suffocating
air.
Write to left
field
a mindless creation.
Dear Left Field,
you have quite an imagination.


Just a random poem. trying out different sounds and syllables, line break, and rhyme.
it doesn't have much meaning except for that it's completely out of left field which is wierd because i wrote the whole thing in my head while playing left field. ha.

moments <3 prom '09

Moments blast by at the speed of light.
Some we capture...
then let go.
Some, like shooting stars shine,
then disapear
Then others were really nothing ever at all.
But every once and a while there comes a moment that you dont just live...
you experience
you feel it
and feed off of it forever.
Because just for that moment-
that evanescent fragment of eternity...
you were truly and animately
alive.

poetry timeee! (one of those girly oness <3)

about my favorite place and person in the whole worldd :-]


The white gems protrude through the black satin sky.
A solemn song of silence gracefully blankets
the miles and miles of emptiness.
It's interrupted by their whispers
and the crickets
that prace across the blackness.

Shadowed green and beige swords
prod at the backs of their necks
like the tips of tiny toothpicks
and the chill of the air bounds them to one another.

Their hearts battle
but they don't dare move.
I would take you to the moon if i could,
just you and me.
He says to her.

I love you.

And suddenly they are merely meaningless specks
on their fragment of forever.


For creative writing. its my first draft so it'll get better.
critiques? ...rileyy???

Discovering a new path

Sometimes
the most terrifying thing in life is losing your way. To feel like you got off at the wrong exit and are completely thrown off the route your so familiar with. Maybe it's not so much losing your way thats scary but wondering if you'll ever find it again. And wondering if it'll be the same if you do. This new direction might change you, but change isn't always bad right?
So, every now again we do get lost. Sometimes we are forced to make desicions and deal with regrets. But what I have learned- is to never lose hope in search for a new path, because you might just discover yourself along the way.

1234

theres only 1 way
2 say
those 3 words
4 you
...

poetry timeee!

"And who are you?"

There is a place that I go
which my world fails to find.
I am an alien to their place
though I have been here several times.
The recliners creak quitely
careful not to disturb their occupants.
And Frank Sinatra's voice constantly colors
the pale lifeless atmosphere.
Blank faces, soundless lips
silenced by the swallowing days.
I wonder-
Does my voice appear
beneath the strangled strands of lucidity,
knotted and matted like a rats nest.
Do you know who I am?
Their eyes have seen more then mine,
They have lived their lives
And this is where they sit
and where I sit
to watch their time dwindle by.
But there is something about this place that draws me,
I have yet to discover why.
Possibly the occasional meaningful story,
gentle touch, or graceful smile.
I am just a new face everyday
but I don't really mind.
I just smile and introduce myself
as I have done time after time.

song of the week!

Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you <-love that line
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

okay, so i've already chosen this song to be my wedding song, no objections. i'm usually not a slow song kindof girl but this song is so beautiful. love itt!

I lovee this painting by René Magritte. I was assigned it for creative writing. I thought I'd share.

The Loss of a Love

He told me I had no heart. He said that everything I had worked for didn't matter anymore because I had given up. And that I had lost all love for the game.
And I watched him there, standing in the outfield yelling at me, fire blazing in his eyes.
And you know what I said?
I QUIT.
I could feel a mixture of rage and tears build up in my gut, but it didnt matter. All I could focas on was the huge burden being lifted off my chest. At that moment I had a sudden urg to pick up a ball and throw it at his headddd. angery child right? but even just sitting here writing this is making my cringe.
A couple days later, he apologized. But I thought to myself, Why apologize for saying the truth?? I had lost all heart, and I knew it.
Several months later, I began to miss it of course. But what I'm just learning now is that I never missed the game at all, I missed the way it made me feel, like I was flying. A feeling I will never be able to get back. Now... it's just a sport. There's no little spark, no special talent, its just a sport to me. I have lost my heart for the game. I have lost the encouragment from the one person who beleived in me. And I guess I've lost myself along the way.

Appriciation

I never fully appriciated that feeling of exhaustion. The fulfillment of those sore muscles and dry hands. Not once did I ever stop half way through and think: God I'm glad to be here or thank him for making us do it one more time. In fact I remember hating every single minute of it. I never appriciated the things that always got in the way. The brutal cold, the sickness, the lack of energy and every other hurtle that prevented me from being my best. It's weird how these realizations just suddenly hit you. and how much it hurts when they do hit you. It's like everything you ever worked for slowly begins to desinegrate into nothing. That's when you realize it really is ALL GONE. and that theres nothing you can do to get it back.

beginnings of a song!

When everyday is a battle,
life is a war
with innocent casualities
and white flags above the doors.
We learn to take
enough life to give
We learn to die
by which we learn to live.


Too cliche?

Inspired by a Visit with Mommom - Remembering what She has Forgotten

It all just happened at once. No warning, no sign. After it hit, we were warned it was only going to get worse.
My grandmother has severe demensia.
Basically meaning that most of the memory of her life as she once lived and cherished has been swallowed by her age.
She doesn't remember what she said 30 seconds ago. When I was born. She doesnt remeber living with us or helping raise me and my sibblings our whole lives. She doesn't remember waking up every single morning to me patiently waiting by her bedside. In fact most of the time, she barely remembers my name.
It is facinating, the way her mind works. Because even with all the things she has lost, her memory is still partially with us, and every now and again she'll completely throw us off with it.
example
She remembers each of her 11 other sibblings and can recite thier names. She remembers her husband being drafted for WWII. She remembers standing up for african american rights during segregation and can identify Obama as: "our black president... good good." And of course she recalls the christmas eve her sister, Chip got drunk and fell into the christmas tree (a favorite of ours).
She recites one line over and over again. We dont know where it came from, an old nursery rhyme perhaps, tightly cemented in her distant mind.
Sometimes it's weird- remembering what she has forgotten, but it never makes me sad. Because I know it's there somewhere. Not one day of my life has she failed to teach me the key factors of what I am today. She has shaped me and taught me and inspired me to be who I am. And even to this day- when she calls me different names and says crazy things I learn something from her everytime I see her happy and smiling. Maybe so far the biggest lesson she has taught me and all of us is that the true fulfillment of your life is measured by your desire, your strength, and mostly, your happiness. So cherish every single moment, and seize every oppertunity. stay strong. and be happy.
Because in mommom world, the cup is ALWAYS half full! :-)

Christmas '08 me (burried in fake white hair) and mommom

The Future and my blogs ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Have you ever looked up to someone? I mean really idolize one person whether it be for their strength, or thier courage, or their talent, or thier ability to create an indent on every heart they touch.
The way I see it is- Within the course of my lifetime, if I could make an impact on any one person in this world as big as the one she has made on me, I will have truley fulfilled everything I could have possibly wanted in life.
I guess it has much to do with inpiration- knowing that one person believes you can do it.
Achieving feeds the fire- big or small, every new achievment attributes one more slice of cake to the hunger of success (you know i had to throw a food reference in there!)
Okay, another question. Have you ever experienced that glowing feeling when someone talks about your future. That feeling in your heart that makes you want to jump out of your chair and achieve your future right at that very moment. It's called motivation.
Okay I've veered off topic off topic here. With all this SAT and ACT and GPA and AP and all the other stuff they abbreviate, I've been thinking how much all these factors I mentioned in the beginning have tied together throughout the years all leading up to this particular moment in our lives.
I'm going to stop now before I start reciting my own goals and expectations.
Thats all for now!

BFFF dayy

thiss is laura and jimmy. we are having best friend dayyyy!!! YAY! we went to my house, ate pretzles (ALOT) then went to his house, watched lindsey lohan (whose lesbian, btw) then went to the mall and had asian night (complete with chinese AND japaneze food) it was GRRRRREAT! now were making a certain someone a cake... SHH! tomorrows our one month coming out anniversary!!! WOW one year... CRAZY!! i wrote a poem about him today, but it's not very good. we are listening to relient k! and partying. its great. annnd later were watching Hitler!!! woot woot im excited. 9:00 right teagen?
thats all for nowww, for all of us here at the studio, for jimmy, i'm laura, have a great day!

end of track... desicions

it's the way we understand eachother. how we can talk about just about anything. how anything that seems complicated in our lives at that particular time is easily simplified once we hit the pavement. it's the achievement of being exhausted after a tough workout. or running our hearts out to get the p.r. it's depending on it, on eachother. its earning it, every step. but more then anything, it's having that one person tell you he's proud of you, and mean it.
we all went into it for different reasons and we all ended it with different times, different personal bests and different goals, but what we all got out of it, what we all achieved is one in the same. we reached our goals. we learned how to be strong- physically, mentally, and internally. above all- we gained one another.
so i guess the most important thing i learned from track this season, is to never ever give up because theres always going to be a teammate waiting on the other side of the line.

now i have to decide between the path i've always followed and the one that just recently abruptly smacked me in the face. if i chose track, this descion is life altering. i would be letting down every teammate, every coach (including my dad) that has ever blieved in me. if i chose softball, i will be letting down my best friends... and myself.

poetry timeee!

Blinding spots rest upon the surface
of darkness,
a reflection from the source of enlightenment
camolauging the roughness,
the deep set obscurity
with a flawless radiance.
I will dye the cloaked dimness
with the explosive colors of charisma,
and enrich the misplaced strength.
Prized and appriciated I am,
appealing and enchanting
forever and beyond,
never giving into the sea of black.
Appealing and enchanting
I will conceal everything
forever and beyond.

mk, so for Creative Writing we had to write two poems, one on our dark side and one on our light side. Suprisingly the poem above is my light side poem about pretty scene and my smile and a couple other things. but i wouldn't title it that becuase then you wouldnt have to think about it and it would take away from the poem, so this poem is untitled.

writing

so i promised some people on my way out of the car that i would blog tonight. can i use blog as a verb? i dont know if thats allowed. oh well, i am anyway.
although i dont have much to say. i'm in the midst of writing a new song, but its not finished yet. i never realized how much i like song-writing. actually i never tried it before this week. i always just saw it as a step down from poetry, but i was so wrong. poetry is a challenge, thats part of the reason i like it. it challenges your mind to get your feelings and expressions out in a way thats crerative, beautiful, and moving all at the same time. songs just seem to flow right out of my heart. they're never filtered by big words or metaphors. they're just the way i feal, nothing else. and i like that a lot. it may not paint a picture in your mind or sound perfect all the time, but it's truley how i feel.
so thats all for now...
<3 L.A.A.

what i do when im sick

so today i was sick. i sat in my room for about three hours listening to the taylor swift album over and over again then i decided to make use of my sudden ginormous amount of free time, and write a song of my own. usually the thoughts in my journal dont leave the room, but i thought i would share this one. its not as good as hers and i would never sing it but it killed about an hour so here we go:

Can you catch me?

I know you really care for me.
I know you'll always stay.
You tell me that I'm perfect
in every single way.
Your eyes sparkle like diamonds,
when you talk to me I'm flyin.
Nothing seems wrong now,
nothing that I can see.
Now-
the question is,

Can you catch me?
When I'm running away (running away)
from the fear of a new day,
Can you catch me?
When I jump off the wall
and there's no place to fall,
Can you catch me?

I know this means more to you
then it does to me.
Sometimes I think this love is only
something you can see.
I convince myself I'm tryin,
but my heart knows I'm lyin.
I guess it's up to me
to be who I'm meant to be.

Can you catch me?
When I'm running away (running away)
from the fear of a new day,
Can you catch me?
When i jump off the wall
and there's no place to fall,
Can you-
Can you catch me?

I told you I need time
to make up my mind.
You told me you'd be there,
even if it's your heart that I tear.
Can you-
Can you-
Can you catch me?

Maybe it's the fear
that one day you won't be here.
That I will be alone
sittin and waitn by the phone.
I need you in my life somehow,
but in my love? only time can tell.
It's been a while since I fell-

So, can you catch me?
When I'm running away (running away)
from the fear of a new day,
Can you catch me?
When i jump off the wall
and there's no place to fall,
Can you catch me?

If your love overcomes me,
and I fall in it completely
Can you-
Can you catch me?

(I'm afraid to fall,
be there, catch me
cause I'm afraid to fall,
but I wanna fall...
with you)

song of the week! The Way I Loved You by taylor swift

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating intoxicating
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh

And that's the way I loved you oh, oh
Never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

it seems like no matter how im feeling, theres a taylor swift song to naarrate it perfectly. lol. i had to down scale it alittle, but you get the general gist.

the right choice

everything you do in life requires a desicion. whether its big or small, easy or hard, unimportant or life-altering, the choice is yours to make. now if your like me, you'll over analyze the situation until you have orally deduced every little particle of evidence in order to accumulate the right desicion. but maybe thats the complete WRONG way of going about it. there's never going to be a right choice in life. every desicion you make comes with the consequences (some may call them regrets). even when you know you made the better desicion (like opted not to do drugs or something) theres still going to be that little tiny part of you that wonders what you're missing out on. a lot of the time when we have big desicions, we wish we didnt have to make them so the regrets aren't upon us. many times i find myself saying : i wish i could just disapear for a little while. you may be familiar with that one.
choices are all around us, even more then we realize. we always want to make the right descion, the one that will please us the most. but the truth is- the right desicion doesn't exsist. no matter what happens, your going to do what your heart tells you. regrets are okay, they're a part of life. you just focas on the positives. the good things. the things that excite you. and forget about the right choice.

2009! and looking back on 2008

wow 2009! crazyyy. it seems like just yesterday we were taking green food dye "shots", playing manhunt, and climbing out of windows to welcome in 2008. it doesn't really seem like much has changed. well i guess a lot has, it's just gone unnoticed.
I've lost a friend, gained a boyfriend (plus a few other close friends).
I've lost complete sight of my life long dream, to pursue another.
I've given up the one thing that has always came easy to me, and discovered something i can fail at and learn from.
instead of worrying about what others think, I've accepted myself for who i am.
and instead of dwelling on the past, I've learned to look at the whole picture, to examine my life and my future and everything that comes along with it.
i guess, in the grand scheme of things, I've grown up. I've regretted and hesitated, tried and failed. I've changed and grown, I've laughed and I've loved, prospered and progressed, but most of all, I've learned-
that anything can be achieved... if you just believe.