He told me I had no heart. He said that everything I had worked for didn't matter anymore because I had given up. And that I had lost all love for the game.
And I watched him there, standing in the outfield yelling at me, fire blazing in his eyes.
And you know what I said?
I QUIT.
I could feel a mixture of rage and tears build up in my gut, but it didnt matter. All I could focas on was the huge burden being lifted off my chest. At that moment I had a sudden urg to pick up a ball and throw it at his headddd. angery child right? but even just sitting here writing this is making my cringe.
A couple days later, he apologized. But I thought to myself, Why apologize for saying the truth?? I had lost all heart, and I knew it.
Several months later, I began to miss it of course. But what I'm just learning now is that I never missed the game at all, I missed the way it made me feel, like I was flying. A feeling I will never be able to get back. Now... it's just a sport. There's no little spark, no special talent, its just a sport to me. I have lost my heart for the game. I have lost the encouragment from the one person who beleived in me. And I guess I've lost myself along the way.
2 comments:
try not to worry too much laura. change happens EVERYday, and losing something isn't always a bad thing. nothing lasts forever, but that doesnt mean when something good ends you cant replace it with something elsejust as good. you can get the same feeling, you just might get it somewhere else now is all, thats the only change. =)
yeah that is true.
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