the house is quiet. and i mean QUIET.
the silence is so strong, it vibrates throughout the house. it creates an empty feeling, like wasted space is invading every room.
within the passed couple of days, i've learned to miss some things that i never knew i could miss. like random change piles. the smell of old spice body spray. and rosary beed findings.
i knew losing my big brother would be different, but mom mom too?
it was so spur of the moment, like she chose to go.
her mind slips in phases, along with her body. i know one day she might not know who i am. she has forgotten the times we used to spend playing cards on the kitchen table. when she would let me win everynight. when she would read me bed time storyes and when she would wake up to me by her side, waiting and waiting. i always wonder... somewhere, beneath it all, does she remember any of it?? any of my life? or any of her life with me in it?
no doubt about it
somewhere
it's there.

change

i haven't written here in quite a while. busy i guess. busy avoiding drama, and living like nothing is getting in my way. so in a few weeks we go back to school. it's kindof a scary thought. well...lets not think too far ahead. once school starts, i think alot of things will be different. different from the way we left them freshman year. i guess change is a part of life. spontaneous or gradual. fast or slow. for better, or worse. either way - it's inevitable.
change has done it's duty on me. rewarding me, punishing me, and teaching me... that every turn is just a new experience on this crazy chaotic track. what i have taken from these teachings is to just sit back... and enjoy the ride... <3