So for the past week I really have been examining my life closely, what it was and what it is now. It seems like everytime I turn around there's something there to remind me and make me feel hurt.
I came across an interesting bumpersticker yesterday. It said... Love doesn't leave, people do. And for some reason, in some strange way it made perfect sence inside my mind. There had to have been a reason he ripped his love away from me. There had to have been a reason he ruined the plan and tore up my trust.
I hate being confused and having to wonder why it happened and what went wrong and if he still remembers all the stuff that I remember and mostly how the one person that has cared for me so unconditionally for so long could just abrubtly.. stop.
I just want the pain to go away. I want it all to be okay again.

poetry timeee!

This is based off the theme of a couple posts back. Im not usually very sinical but here goes:

If it Survives

I have a cardboard box now
to replace
what used to be my everything.
It's a pretty sturdy box
with its
"I miss you" 's
and "I love you" 's
And it survived the flight
across my bedroom
And it survived the crash landing
taking some dried up paint chips
down with it.

I sure do hope it survives down there.

The scent lives in that box
And the firsts
and the lasts
and the nevers.
The would be's
and the could be's
and the should be's
They all coexist quite harmoniously
within the threads of memory.

The heartbeat of the stuffed
"Be Mine" bear
face down on the cardboard
vibrates throughout my room
now beginning to sync up to the fabric.

And the last of the movie credits
suddenly disapear
from the screan,

And the sweet song stops
And the stars die
And you took your heart back.

So I'm left with mine.

But I dont mind.
It's a pretty sturdy heart,
and it survived the flight
across my bedroom,
the "I'm sorry" 's
and the "I don't love you"
And it survived the crash landing,
taking all hope down with it.
Withered, broken.

I sure do hope is survives down there.

I hold on to the night
you looked me in the eye
and told me you loved me.

Everything will be Fine

Details in the Fabric
by Jason Mraz


Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything
Everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
Go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way.

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine? (Go your own way)
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own)
Hell no reason go on and scream (Know your name)
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

This is the part

This is the part you're expected to be strong.
This is when you're tested.
This is when you are forced to face it.. and move on.
They say things happen for a reason-
that the people who remain in your life no matter what are the only important ones. Life goes on and people change. I guess what I've learned is that sometimes when it hurts, you have to fight to make it feel okay again. You have to fight to gain strength. I've learned that being sad is inevitable but never is it stronger then your heart. And mostly, that it can't rain forver (literally).
I guess this is the part you start to think. Lay in bed and count up all the objects that once meant everything. One by one place them in the dusty cardboard box, and throw it in the back of the closet. Slide the screachy metal hanger grasping the delicate prom dress to the very back of the pole.
I guess this is the part you accumulate the amount of hours spent watching the sky out in that field completely secluded from the world. Relive every first and last. And forget about the long list of movie titles planned for movie nights to come.
I guess this is the part everyone talks about.
This is the part that hurts the most.

poetry timeee!

so we're learning about poetry in L.A. and i got bored in class one day of paying attention to all the rules and shit so i tried one of my own.
this is unstressed, stressed pattern and it has 8 syllables per line (except the 2nd to last one), tetrameter? idk what evs.

A Loss of Light

The stars will lose their light sometimes
the melody forgets their lines.
Notihing good will remain the same,
the glow of love will surely fade.
The sky trasnforms to sickly grey
the happiness has gone astray.
I guess we lose our way somtimes.
The pain and sadness intertwine.
The stars surrender in defeat,
a lightless night, bitter sweet.
Forget the past to look ahead,
guided by a thin silver thread.
But,
The hearts are only truley align
through the hourglass of passed time.