writing

so i promised some people on my way out of the car that i would blog tonight. can i use blog as a verb? i dont know if thats allowed. oh well, i am anyway.
although i dont have much to say. i'm in the midst of writing a new song, but its not finished yet. i never realized how much i like song-writing. actually i never tried it before this week. i always just saw it as a step down from poetry, but i was so wrong. poetry is a challenge, thats part of the reason i like it. it challenges your mind to get your feelings and expressions out in a way thats crerative, beautiful, and moving all at the same time. songs just seem to flow right out of my heart. they're never filtered by big words or metaphors. they're just the way i feal, nothing else. and i like that a lot. it may not paint a picture in your mind or sound perfect all the time, but it's truley how i feel.
so thats all for now...
<3 L.A.A.

what i do when im sick

so today i was sick. i sat in my room for about three hours listening to the taylor swift album over and over again then i decided to make use of my sudden ginormous amount of free time, and write a song of my own. usually the thoughts in my journal dont leave the room, but i thought i would share this one. its not as good as hers and i would never sing it but it killed about an hour so here we go:

Can you catch me?

I know you really care for me.
I know you'll always stay.
You tell me that I'm perfect
in every single way.
Your eyes sparkle like diamonds,
when you talk to me I'm flyin.
Nothing seems wrong now,
nothing that I can see.
Now-
the question is,

Can you catch me?
When I'm running away (running away)
from the fear of a new day,
Can you catch me?
When I jump off the wall
and there's no place to fall,
Can you catch me?

I know this means more to you
then it does to me.
Sometimes I think this love is only
something you can see.
I convince myself I'm tryin,
but my heart knows I'm lyin.
I guess it's up to me
to be who I'm meant to be.

Can you catch me?
When I'm running away (running away)
from the fear of a new day,
Can you catch me?
When i jump off the wall
and there's no place to fall,
Can you-
Can you catch me?

I told you I need time
to make up my mind.
You told me you'd be there,
even if it's your heart that I tear.
Can you-
Can you-
Can you catch me?

Maybe it's the fear
that one day you won't be here.
That I will be alone
sittin and waitn by the phone.
I need you in my life somehow,
but in my love? only time can tell.
It's been a while since I fell-

So, can you catch me?
When I'm running away (running away)
from the fear of a new day,
Can you catch me?
When i jump off the wall
and there's no place to fall,
Can you catch me?

If your love overcomes me,
and I fall in it completely
Can you-
Can you catch me?

(I'm afraid to fall,
be there, catch me
cause I'm afraid to fall,
but I wanna fall...
with you)

song of the week! The Way I Loved You by taylor swift

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating intoxicating
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh

And that's the way I loved you oh, oh
Never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

it seems like no matter how im feeling, theres a taylor swift song to naarrate it perfectly. lol. i had to down scale it alittle, but you get the general gist.

the right choice

everything you do in life requires a desicion. whether its big or small, easy or hard, unimportant or life-altering, the choice is yours to make. now if your like me, you'll over analyze the situation until you have orally deduced every little particle of evidence in order to accumulate the right desicion. but maybe thats the complete WRONG way of going about it. there's never going to be a right choice in life. every desicion you make comes with the consequences (some may call them regrets). even when you know you made the better desicion (like opted not to do drugs or something) theres still going to be that little tiny part of you that wonders what you're missing out on. a lot of the time when we have big desicions, we wish we didnt have to make them so the regrets aren't upon us. many times i find myself saying : i wish i could just disapear for a little while. you may be familiar with that one.
choices are all around us, even more then we realize. we always want to make the right descion, the one that will please us the most. but the truth is- the right desicion doesn't exsist. no matter what happens, your going to do what your heart tells you. regrets are okay, they're a part of life. you just focas on the positives. the good things. the things that excite you. and forget about the right choice.

2009! and looking back on 2008

wow 2009! crazyyy. it seems like just yesterday we were taking green food dye "shots", playing manhunt, and climbing out of windows to welcome in 2008. it doesn't really seem like much has changed. well i guess a lot has, it's just gone unnoticed.
I've lost a friend, gained a boyfriend (plus a few other close friends).
I've lost complete sight of my life long dream, to pursue another.
I've given up the one thing that has always came easy to me, and discovered something i can fail at and learn from.
instead of worrying about what others think, I've accepted myself for who i am.
and instead of dwelling on the past, I've learned to look at the whole picture, to examine my life and my future and everything that comes along with it.
i guess, in the grand scheme of things, I've grown up. I've regretted and hesitated, tried and failed. I've changed and grown, I've laughed and I've loved, prospered and progressed, but most of all, I've learned-
that anything can be achieved... if you just believe.