Thinking

I haven't done much blogging lately. My days feel incredibly short recently and the weeks keep ticking away like seconds on a clock. I spend my time watching and learning and reading and running, but mostly I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. There's been a lot of transformations in my life. I feel I've reached a certain level of maturity these past couple of months. And with it has come some confidence, some anticipation, but most of all I can't seem to shake this feeling of guilt. A little while ago, I made a decision to shut a person out of my life. At the time, it didn't seem like a big deal. This particular person hadn't been a part of my life for a number of months and I couldn't help feeling forgotten about. Looking back, even just on this summer I've been taking a completely different outlook on the situation. My brain sort of goes in circles. From one thought to another, but it always finds its way back to the beginning. The root of my thinking, of my feelings of guilt- that is, if I were in their situation I would want someone standing by my side no matter what. I would want someone to care enough to wait it out. To prove that I was worth it. I would want someone there to understand. So here I am, sitting at my desk, right back at that initial thought. The same one that silently lingers around my brain too many hours a day. It's this thought that makes people wonder what happened to make me so detached lately, so distant. Why I can't trust people anymore. It all evolves around this pestering thought.