"The heart does things for reasons that reason doesn't understand."
-- PD2

"The one who never made a mistake, never tried something new." -einstien

A long overdo post about a special person

im thankful for you. for being there for me. for understanding me. but more then anything, for teaching me.
that no one has to be alone.
thank you for letting me unload my secrets on you. thank you for not judging me. thank you for allowing me to see that nothing in life is picture perfect and things happen when they happen.
thank you for being there.

-jane

the materialistic waste of a beautiful season

sometimes within the hustle and bustle, the traffic, the budgets, the gift getting, the crowds, and the time crunch, we start to lose sight of the TRUE meaning of this beautiful time of year. today i learned that the beauty doesnt lie in the perfect gift, it thrives on the laughter and smiles of the people closest to you. and the ones that need it the most.
every one of them has their own story. their own journey. their own pasts. one of them is a docter, another is a nurse, professor, navy vet. they all had incredibly successful lives. they all saw (most participated in) the vietnam war, world war II, the great depression, some even the first world war. and they all ended up here. each has at least one peice of clear memory lost in their hopeless minds and when they remember, its like they take you back to the moment itself.
whether it sitting around the record player listening to Frank Senatra's Christmas, or laughing (more like crying) about duke's new shoes, or gloria's bib, being with them is the best christmas present of them all. <3

finding the melody

a heavy dark sky loomed over us, but we didnt care. we kept going. and the rain came, harder and harder, but we didnt feal it. no one talked. no one listened. everyone just kept going. and consentrated. observing the rhythm of our strong steps and the rhythm of our tired breath, but more then anything the constant pounding background beat of our detirmined hearts. the three constants harmoniously joined into the perfect melody. showing us color and hope even on the darkest days. we didnt feal the rain, or the dehydration, or the exhaustion. all we could feel was the melody. those steps, those breaths, those beats, they are our constants. no matter what happens, they stay the same. and we stay the same. and no matter how tired we are, no matter how far we've gone, no matter how far we have to go,
we will always
hear the melody.

a hero?

They built a hero out of expectations
and what a hopeless hero was he
with sticks for legs
he shook when the wind blew,
even slightly
and he welcomed the smiles,
he welcomed the applause
and he hoped that they'd
never forget just who they thought
he was.
M.N.

It's weird how good writers can manage to capture your feelings perfectly by writing about their own. I listened to this on the bus last night (several times) just replaying this one part. Sometimes it shocks me how much he doesnt know me. I mean yes, he knows my batting average, my stealing average, my error average, how fast I can get to first base, and OF COURSE, how well I compare to others. But is all this stuff really going to matter when I grow up to NOT be a professional softball player? I wonder if he knows that I never want to pick up a softball (while on his team) ever again. together, we've worked so hard for my whole life on JUST this game, nothing else. And for what, to get closer? to prove something? I'm sure it wasn't to just throw it all away at 16. I wish, more then anything in the world that my dad could see me as a PERSON rather then a player, know the simple things, the important things. but really, who am I kidding?