done from the start

im done. with it all. with the lies, with the drama, im done with being that one person you can get attention from. i dont think you understand and i dont think you ever will. it's just something that's been there all along, and i know i should have been strong enough to pick it up in the first place, but i didn't and i regret that. all i know is that i cant do it anymore. so that's it.

Leom

he's got blond curly hair, and icy blue eyes. tiny hands on a tiny body.
ive developed a love/hate relationship with this boy. he can be the ice for my burn or the match to my gasoline. to everyone else who has ever met him or had (tried at least) to have a conversation with him, they'll just say he's the devil taking over a five year olds body, but i see him differently. he threw a tantrum today. i had no idea what to do. no ordinary 15 year old is eqquipt with the skills to handle one of these outbursts. the music caused an over stimulation in his mind which sent him through the roof. when i asked him why he was so angery, i found out that it wasn't because he didn't receive an air guitar, it was about his sister who is sick. and we layed in the aisle of the church and he yelled at me. screamed at me. blurting out things no five year old should have to try to understand. and for the very first time, i saw exacly how angery he was, how hurt he was, how sick he was. it made me so sad, i was soon on the verge of tears. i could'nt calm him down. i couldnt make him quit, and i would never try.
he is unlike any child i've ever met. his temper is terrible, and his behavior is ummanagable, but somehow in some alter ego, freakish, other dimension Leom and i reach a point of understanding. one that no one else will ever see.

remembering freshman year

this week has been CRAZYY! i haven't had any time to do anything accept study, do projects, then study some more. tomorrow is it. the last day of freshman year. wow! it has gone by soo fastt! and thinking back to september, it's been one hell of a year. do you beleive all the stuff that happened this year? like if you could go back to the first day of school and know everything you know now, would you do things different? i know i would. so many things have changed over the passed 180 days. we've grown up and moved on, but somethings will always be the same.

so in the end, we know somethings have changed for the better and somethings for the worse. some things are gained while others are lost, and some things are remembered while others are forgotten. our pasts are burried under layers and layers of today, and today is coated in the undifined shape of the future. things have changed and will continue to change as long as the earth keeps it's rotation. tomorrow is the last day of school and the first day of summer (in my book) but the lost days of freshman year are just lying under the layers and layers of priceless memories <3

blogger

wow. i love blogger. i can write the most meaningless stuff that comes from somewhere up there, publish it, and crack up the next day...
hahahahahhahahahahah
i love my life

steeling second

my heart is giving me the steel sign. it's telling me to just go for it. but i don't think it's worth the risk. what if i'm way out on this one? what if its completely wrong? i know that if i do go, i have to go hard. really hard, or not at all. and not stop or slow down for anything or anyone. but even if i do make it, will i be happy where i am? i know i'll have to keep working. to make it home. i know once i get to second, it's only the first step, or i guess the second...
but i love the risk of steeling second. it's what i live for. so maybe i should just swallow my fear and dive. fail if its my destiny but never give up.
hmmmm...this is what i think about in math class...lol