watching her die

everyday we watch her dye alittle more. we listen to her sleep the rest of her life away. i remember when i was able to love my mom mom. before she got sick. before she moved in with us. before i understood that death was inevitable and that everyone gets old. we've all suffered. we've all felt the pain. but no one knows it quite like my mom. but instead of talking about it, she keeps it all inside. she internalizes then as a result treats us like we're the culpret. because of this, no matter how hard i try i feel i can never really love my mom mom. i know i should. i know that i should be greatful that she's made it this far, and that one day i will regret everything, but now...idk. i remember when she used to be my best friend. she knew me better then anyone in the world, now she barely remembers my name. i used to sit on her bedside and wait for her to wake up. she used to give me presents and treat me like a princess. i wish i could stay close to her. but over the years i've pulled away so much, i guess because i hate to watch her dye.