Twenty one

It somehow seems that the closer I get to graduating, the faster time moves. This summer feels very different from all the other summers before. Besides the obvious differences- no longer living at home and upholding a real job, I feel different: responsible, adult-like, terrified. I am constantly finding out more about myself, as if my child self is finally coming to meet my adult self. And you know what's so scary about that? I'm not sure I will like my adult self yet. If I could describe how I feel in one word at this point in my life, without a doubt it would be overwhelmed. I have to make decisions pretty soon that will alter the way I live the rest of my life. That's highly problematic in my mind because up until this point, I've been changing my mind a lot. How are you expected to settle when you've only just begin to meet your adult self? How are you expected to settle when you're already several thousand dollars in debt and knowing that your settling means more debt? When I read over my past blog posts, I sometimes laugh at the insignificance of the problems I used to blog about. Life was much simpler then. However, I remember how terrifying and overwhelming it was at the time. I can only hope that in four or five years from now, I look back on this blog post and laugh at the uncertainty and fear and insecurity I'm feeling right now. However for right now, I'm going to keep keeping my head up, and keep learning, keep growing, and keep showing up. Because when I really think about it, that's all I really can do.