I could absolutely never say it never made me happy. In fact for a time, it was the only thing. Sometimes I think I owe it more. Like if it were a human being with feelings it would tell me I'm ungreatful. It would tell me I had a gift. And probably that right about now, I'm violently drowning it beneath the water surface. But there is a little bit of that gift I carry with me every single day, and I know I will never ever let it go.
I do realize it- that I'm looked up to and all. People are starting to see ME. And I like that. I've learned the one thing that carries the majority of the weight in your presence and in your being, in your thoughts and feelings; its the type of person you truley are. And I don't mean the person you're trying to be or want to be, I mean the person you are when you first wake up in the morning, before the first text message or the makeup mirror. Before you have the thought to judge yourself, or dwell on your imperfections, compare yourself to others. Everyday I try to stretch my morning just a little longer, and love myself a little more. Now you might be thinking SHES INSANE, and hell maybe I am. But sometimes I just wish I could challenge everyone to love themselves, I mean open their hearts and truley love themselves.. for exactly who they are.